Fifty shades of bad sentences.

Fifty Shades of Grey is pretty terrible in a few respects. Its been criticized for it's portrayal of BDSM culture, specifically in the regard that it romanticizes an abusive relationship and calls it something it is not. One of the key elements of BDSM is aftercare and mutual respect, something that Fifty Shades seems to look over for some reason. While I could go into a much longer rant, that is not what this post is about. Along with being misinforming, Fifty Shades suffers from another flaw; Terrible writing.

Disclaimer: I have never finished the book. There was an attempt made once, however I have a certain standard of what I will read. I could hardly get passed the first chapter of Fifty Shades without wanting to take a cold shower and contemplate what I'd just read. This being said, I found a list of quotes online, helpfully titled "Fifty terrible lines from Fifty Shades of Grey" and went to work finding the worst of the worst.

When you read sentences like "Don't you like the butt drawer?” and “His voice is warm and husky like dark melted chocolate fudge caramel... or something.” it’s hard to think that a.) This is a real published work that sold over and million copies and b.) there is truly a terrible line. However, never fear, for I have read something so terrible my eyes will never be able to unread it and I don't know how I will ever be the same again. It reads as follows.

"He reaches between my legs and pulls on the blue string… what! And… a gently pulls my tampon out and tosses it into the nearby toilet. Holy fuck. Sweet mother of all… Jeez.”

There are so many things wrong with this sentence. First of all, it is absolutely disgusting. It is undoubtedly as gross as you think it is. Reading the passage around it makes me gag. There is no reason for this to exist anywhere.

Secondly, it’s poorly written. The ellipses are unneeded. It’s weirdly spaced out. The words don’t mesh together in the sentence correctly, and I had to double check the website hadn’t made a mistake when writing “And… a gently”. I suppose I understand what E.L. James was attempting to accomplish with all of this; to show the lead characters thought process. However it ends up a gross jumbled mess, and leaves everyone uncomfortable and wondering “why?”

Why did E.L. James include this in her book at all?

Why would she think this was a good idea?
Why didn’t her editor stop her?

Of all the cringe worthy sentences, this one wins the prize for being the worst, and the author has gone on to be more popular then I can conceive. I guess I’ll never know how this came to pass; It will be one of the great mysteries of my lifetime. 

Pinker and me.

As someone who likes writing, but is constantly nervous about how it is going to come across to the general public, Steven Pinker's lecture made a lot of sense to me. As if that wasn't enough, it also put me at ease. Listening to someone talk about the simplicities of writing, and how it doesn't have to be lengthy and cryptic to get a point across is like a huge sigh of relief. The fact that I don't need to bog down my work and make it a treasure hunt for my readers, and instead look at it as something to share with the general public is not an idea I'm used to. In all of my classes before this, it was always better to have more. More words, more pages, more round about ideas that slide around the topic but never fully engage with it. For me to hear that Pinker, a distinguished scholar in his field, finds that this classist way we think of writing absurd is a huge weight off my chest.

Pinker much prefers what he calls the 'classic method'. This style of writing is seen as a way to engage the audience, and open the world up to them. It is designed to be accessible, instead of blocking those seemingly 'unworthy' out. He breaks down this idea that in order to be academic you have to confuse everyone and make it difficult to read. Getting to the point is what the writer should be doing.

I myself have been a culprit of this type of writing, not because I wanted to confuse my readers, but because it is what I was taught to be the correct way of writing for the academics of the world. My teachers and professors told me that if I wanted to be considered a educated person, I had to make my work similar to those already published. While watching the lecture it was hard not to be brought back to my high school english class, reading the pieces Pinker was using as bad examples.  Long descriptions also happen to fill up a page, and when you're writing for length and not quality content it's easy to fall into this chasm.

This trend of unneeded long descriptions can also be found in my work outside of class. Looking over pieces I wrote for pleasure, or to give to a close friend, have evidence of mile long sentences that could be condensed into a few simple words. It's painful to read some of my older works, and I found myself cringing at my computer screen yesterday while trying to find examples of old writings that wouldn't be too embarrassing.

Writing is always evolving and changing. The more you write and the more you learn, the better you can get. I'm sure by the time Writing with Style ends, I'll be cringing reading this over again. But that's what you have to do to improve.